The sun is shining, I have the windows open, enjoying the fresh air and wishing I had a garden, as I do every year about this time! Today there is more to celebrate. After a rotten couple of days feeling sick, dizzy and generally pretty odd after steroid injections in my hips to help with my pain and inability to walk from the sofa to the bathroom without tons of pain, I managed to walk around the Co-Op to collect my prescriptions and get some food…without my stick! Woo hoo!! This is my first stick free day in months and I’ve got loads less pain! I am over the moon, ridiculously happy about this! I know it might not last very long, (could be a couple of months though) I know I’m not cured, able to run, jump about, do a full supermarket shop or walk around the metrocentre, but I am miles better than I was last week and this is worth celebrating!
This is part of the challenge and the joy of having this type of condition. I can be dreadful for months on end, struggling to walk a few steps, horrible pain and draining fatigue, then 2 injections and 2 days of feeling horrific later and I’m happy, pain is back to background levels and I actually feel awake for the first time in months! The unpredictability of it all makes coming to terms with it a highly challenging exercise. I felt like I’d come to terms with how I was last summer. Some stick days, pain and fatigue, brain fog and other linked symptoms. Then I got a cold. Pain levels increased, all symptoms got worse, stress at work kicked off and I had to start over with my acceptance.
Acceptance is such a passive term. I like doing things, planning and making things happen. I do not like waiting for things to get better. I do not like resting. I am getting better at relaxing but I’m still not great at it and I am not good at giving in and laying on the sofa for 2 days, but that’s what I’ve done this week!
I might not have acceptance but I do think that I am getting better at this whole chronic illness malarkey!
Thursday – My hospital appointment was a mix of good and awful. I managed the extra walking and thus increased pain by mindfulness and singing my theme song! This calmed me down and I was very proud of myself for not freaking out, crying and getting stressed. Steroid injections in both hips gave me hip for reduced pain in future!
Friday – I started feeling sick, dizzy and very peculiar about 10am. I really thought I was going to pass out, throw up or both. This was pretty scary and usually I’d just feel sorry for myself and ride it through alone. This time I rang my sister, told her how I was feeling just incase anything happened or I needed to go to the hospital and lay back down and just stopped! I stopped watching TV and checking FB as it was making me feel sick. My sister checked in on me throughout the day and I cancelled my plans to go out. (Usually I’d still try) I rested, sewed to keep me away from my phone and was honest with my sister when she checked on me.
Saturday – still feeling really wierd, sick dizzy and headachy. I didn’t go to a training day that I really wanted to go to, sat back on the sofa and continued sewing to keep me off my phone. I kept in touch with my sister, didn’t go out, rested and didn’t feel guilty about it.
Sunday – woke up feeling back to normal! I felt like dancing a jig! My sister asked me to go out for a picnic with her and my nephew. I said no. I went to the chemist and walked around the Co-Op without my stick and put water in my car. I wanted to go on the picnic, I wanted to go for a walk, to go out for lunch or do something, anything because I’m not feeling as bad as I have been for the last 2 days. I didn’t go on the picnic, take a walk or do anything else. I came back home, I’ve had some lunch, done a few jobs around the house and planned next week.
I am very pleased with myself. I’m not overdoing things, I took the time that I needed to rest and I stopped feeling that I should be doing something else every single minute that I was resting because I felt dreadful.
I know that this is a huge step forward, and I know that I’ll be up and down with how I cope in the future. I also know that I haven’t accepted my conditions and I might never get there, but at the minute I’m very proud of myself for doing what I need to for my body at the time! So celebrations are in order!